Currently, I’m a graduate student at Montclair State University. One of the classes that I’m in had a group project assignment that was due last week. For the Assignment we had to pick a book out of a provided list, read that book, make an outline (including: introduction, summary, evaluation, analysis, and call to action), create a slideshow, and then present to our professor. The novel we chose was Just Listen by Mark Goulston. Prior to reading, I figure that this would be a book to skim. To be honest, I don’t think that I’ve ever read a book that was assigned to me in school. That was my mindset going in to this book. Of course, until I started reading and then I was hooked.
Growing up, I always struggled with communication. Particularly, sharing my feelings with others. Especially, when those feelings could potentially cause a conflict or rift in a relationship. In my mind I thought that confrontation and conflict was bad. However, after just 15 pages deep into this book I realized good communication super seeds confrontation. If you just listen and empathize with a person you can understand their feelings and emotions thus allowing you to share yours as well.
This novel is truly eye opening. The techniques and methods discussed in this book can elevate your level of communication in any situation. One of my goals in life has always been to improve my communication skills because I know that is an area where I struggle. I truly believe that this book holds a ton of useful information if you want to become a better communicator.
For the group project I worked on the content summary. Here is what I wrote:
Summary:
The book is broken up into four sections. The four sections included: the secret to reaching anyone, the nine core rules for getting through to anyone, 12 quick and easy ways to achieve buy-in and get through, and putting it all together: fast fixes for seven challenging situations.
The first section acts as a lead into the remaining three sections of the novel. In part one Goulston discusses the persuasion cycle (getting a person to buy into what you’re saying), the three parts of the brain, and mirrors neurons. The three layers of the brain include reptile, mammal and primate. The reptile layer focuses solely on acting and reacting, the mammal layer provides emotions, and the primate layer gives a person the ability to think logically. Goulston uses this description of the human brain to show the audience how as communicators in most cases we need to use techniques that will bring the person we are speaking to out of the reptile layer of their brain and up to the primate layer. We need people to be thinking logically in order to truly get through to them. As for mirror neurons, they transport us into another person’s mind to make us feel what it is that they’re feeling. Mirror neurons are mentioned heavily throughout this book. That is because we must accurately mirror people in order to get through to them.
The second section which is the nine core rules for getting through to anyone is a more in depth look into the persuasion cycle. Mentioning the titles of each chapter is necessary because they describe the essence of what Goulston is teaching. The chapters in this section range from 3-11 and are titled as follows: Move Yourself From “Oh F#@& to OK”, Rewire yourself to listen, Make the Other Person Feel “Felt”, Be More Interested Than Interesting, Make People Feel Valuable, Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally, Check Your Dissonance at the Door, When All Seems Lost – Bare Your Neck, and Steer Clear of Toxic People. The “Oh F#@& to OK” is a tool Goulston provides the reader to calm emotions when in a crisis situation. The point is to acknowledge your feelings, gather your thoughts, and transition to a place where you are thinking logically and can move forward in communication. The majority of the next few chapters discuss the value of listening. People just want to be heard. They need to bear their soul to someone and you can be that person. Being interested in what people have to say and letting them open up to you is crucial in creating better relationships. The same goes for the reader. If things continue to go poorly even though a person has opened up to you then your responsibility is to open yourself up to them. That will allow both parties’ mirror neurons to be properly satisfied. If none of the methods Goulston mentions in this part are having an effect then you may be dealing with a toxic person. Goulston suggests steering clear of toxic people at all costs.
The third section, which is twelve quick and easy ways to achieve buy-in and get through, discusses exactly what it says, methods to get through to others. Allowing them to buy-in to what you’re saying. These methods include: the impossibility question, the magic paradox, the empathy jolt, the reverse play, do you really believe that, the power of hmmm, the stipulation gambit, from transaction to transformation, the side by side approach, fill in the blanks, take it all the way to “no”, and the power thank you and power apology. This part is rich with techniques that are meant to improve communication which lead to better outcomes/relationships. All of these techniques force the reader to consider how they are affecting the people around them. Goulston shows the audience that you must first listen and analyze your affect on a person before you can get them to ‘buy-in’. If a relationship that you are in isn’t in the best place, think of how you must be making that person feel. Empathy goes a long way when trying to improve relationships. It is likely that once you empathize with a person that the relationship you have with them will improve.
Part four which is putting it all together discusses certain scenarios that are likely to occur in the world of business and how to navigate them. Goulston uses all of the methods and techniques mentioned previously in the novel to show the audience how success can be achieved.
Go check out the book!
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